Steven Spielberg adopts Tom Hanks as new son.

Tom Cruise tests out new Scientology equipment.

The Weinstein brothers convicted of destroying cinema forever.

Jean-Claude Van Damme to star in new film entitled Nice Guys Suck Dick.

John Travolta still denying gay rumors

Justin Timberlake becomes comedic genius overnight.

Tarantino's next film to be about two guys fucking.

Sting goes into yoga position on stage.

Ben Stiller humor only appealing to12 year-olds now.

Spike Lee takes question from stupid white boy in the audience.

Spike Lee retires facial expression at 52.

Scorsese's new film to be about gangsters in New York.

Samuel L. Jackson to play “cool black guy” in the next upcoming movie directed by somebody coming out sometime soon.

Ryan Seacrest forgetting what job he's at now.

Kelly Ripa still not sure what her talent in life is.

Oprah refutes all of Sigmund Freud's theories this Monday at 3:00 on ABC.

The Olsen twins look back on a life of achievement

Nathaniel Ayers returns to the street immediately following the screening of
The Soloist.

George Lucas: still no sign of a chin.

Lorne Michaels apologizes for bringing Jimmy Fallon into the world of comedy.

Steve Lopez to make a shit load of money off black guy.

Scorsese to direct Leonardo DiCaprio in new film about the life of Robert DeNiro

Lenny Kravitz: “Just a dick”.

Kevin Smith still scratching his name off all of the copies of Jersey Girl he can find.

Kanye West phoning in rap lyrics.

Time running out for Jon Stewart who promised to be funny in his lifetime.

John and Yoko promise to end the war and save the world as soon as they get out of bed.

Rolling Stone magazine ranks Jim Morrison as most influential poet of the 20th century.

Al-Qaeda plans next twin tower crash into Jessica Simpson's breasts.

Jamie Fox becomes new music director of the LA Philharmonic.

Hugh Hefner retires from fucking whores at 83.

Harrison Ford even boring himself these days.

College transcripts show Dr. Phil's doctorate in Physical Therapy.

Celine Dion thanks all of her 13 year-old fans.

Nicolas Cage to stay 40 for the rest of his life.

Tim Burton's look actually more avant-garde than his films.

Bono forms new peace band composed entirely of plants and dirt.

Director Michael Bay explaining new bad idea to actors and crew.

Adrian Grenier considered the next Brando according to People Magazine